"You made me sad 😟"

It's been a busy summer. The months seem to be running into each other, as if in a hurry to see you blossom into a big girl. But you aren't waiting for any of that. You have already decided that "I'm not a little girl, I'm a big girl". So that's our little hook to lure you into the things that us grown ups want you to do but you wouldn't give in to other wise. That's how our little-big girl agrees to take her daily shower, brush her teeth, drink milk out of a cup etc.

You are already grown up enough to disagree more often with us. We've started having these bouts of disagreement- starting with you being stubborn, crying and making up.

At times you go all guns blazing - wailing out loud, lower lip inverted, water works - the full theatrics version. But since there isn't really a basis to it besides you trying your tiny hand with emotional blackmail, pretty soon it dries up into just an oooo-ing and aaaaa-ing sound effect and some facial expressions. 

At times, you decide to end it by coming up to me and hugging me with sorry written all over your cute little face, melting my heart. When asked why you were crying, in a murmurous whisper you inform 

"you made me sad 😩". And there in an instant, the molten heart shatters into a thousand and more pieces, physics, biology and laws of nature be damned!

You have also grown in your dance moves, your choice of songs and how quickly you get bored of them. You try to imitate the dancer on the screen with elaborate hand gestures. I'm just waiting for you to pick up on the facial expressions. 

This August we recorded you singing the Indian national anthem- quite a feat for a child your age. Numerous viewings of countless renditions later you picked up enough of the language and music totally foreign to you. Besides a bit of show off, that was our intention behind getting you to know the song - develop more than familiarity with our language. And yes you did it so well. Thankfully, you enjoyed the process - practice, performance and the appreciation.

You would soon be going back to your swimming lessons and this time you'd be doing it all by yourself. That's a whole new threshold by itself - staying afloat without my finger to clutch. 

Dear daughter, 

While each stage of your growth is adding another layer of clay to your formative form, your years now are really important in how we apply our hand to shape you as a person. We can't be too firm, lest we leave a permanent dent. We can't be too soft, for you are but too supple to be left at the mercies of all your whims to shape you. 

At times, my way of dealing with you being stubborn and throwing tantrums is to persist and get you to do the right thing. So if you are throwing your stuff around or avoiding a shower, I would still get you to make amends and not be just lazy about it. Not always though. I would give in to some of your demands like choice of clothes, not doing your hair or writing over sofas etc. 

My reasons are simple. For one,  I do not want you to have a misplaced sense of entitlement and therefore set you up for failure. 

Secondly, the secret to having the right aptitude towards life is more to do with healthy habits and less with preaching and motivation. Simple habits that we can develop at your young 3 years of mind frame are of descipline like cleanliness, punctuality, wishing your daadi, sleeping on time. But these are not supposed to be an end by themselves. They are the means to allow you to have a strong start with life, ways to set you up with an uncluttered mind and body.

What takes you beyond this descipline are habits of character. Habits of standing up after every fall, looking forward and not allowing yourself to give up. Habit of saving, not just for the sake of saving but for the sake of investing in your future - that goes for both money and emotions. As books like "Rich dad poor dad" would tell you - pure and simple, time tested act of doing the right thing again and again. Maybe do it differently if it doesn't work one way. But do it again if it's the right thing to do. 

I strongly believe everything has a cost and again, cost could be monetary and/or emotional. So cost of having healthy teeth is to spend the time to take care of them, cost of having a strong character is to endure all the heartbreaks. 

Sadly, cost for me of getting you to pick up on some of these healthy habits might be to make you sad time and again 😩